When You Are THAT Person
We all have that one person in our friend group. You know, the person who always seems to deal with some sort of challenge or drama. That gray cloud that follows them everywhere they go. They might make poor dating choices, constantly be wrapped up in family or work issues, or get into unusual situations by society's standards. They always seem to attract chaos no matter what they do—or whether they're trying to make better choices.
As a famous poet or singer once said,
'Hi, it's me, I am the problem.'
This song lyric resonates with me because it captures the feeling of being the one who always seems to be in chaos, the one who others might see as the source of the problem or a life they may not understand. This is how I have felt since a young age, a feeling that intensifies as an adult, especially in the last few years.
It's always something. It's always something.
A phrase I kept repeating to a friend and my cousin.
It's always something, from family to work. At times, I catch myself feeling like I complain too much. People have told me that I have intense emotions, but once those go away, I am a level-headed person. Sometimes, they may say that they love to mess with me because they like to see me spin. If you know anything about astrology (something I have been getting into the past few years), I am a Gemini Sun, Sag moon, and Cancer Rising. This means I am a multifaceted person who is intelligent, adventurous, and emotionally complex.
Emotionally complex.
That’s the understatement of the year.
Maybe I am the problem.
But then, when that phase turns into something good, like traveling, I feel like I am the solution.
I joke about my life/website's mantra, "It's always a fucking adventure with me," which is accurate, and usually, I mean it as a travel thing. I even made merchandise with my motto, which has become quite popular! I even started to use it at work as a funny thing to say when people looked at me with that "What the fuck” look to deflect from my crazy ideas (which tends to work out, just saying).
Deflection. Something I do often to preserve myself. To make me feel a little less of the gray cloud above me.
And sometimes, I really don’t like my motto because of that. Here we go with the Emotional complexity...
I'm confident I'm not the only one who constantly feels like this. The constant deflecting, questioning, etc. You have, too, right? We often either conceal that we are 'THAT person' or use humor to perhaps feel less awful about who we are or the hand life has dealt us.
This post isn't intended to be a 'feel sorry for me' message; those who know that feeling of being 'THAT person' understand that. Instead, it's an 'I see you, and I feel you' post. Being 'THAT person' is hard. It's hard on your soul; it's hard on your relationships with people. It's hard on you. You feel like you are the ONLY person who feels this way when you aren't—everyone feels like you. But they conceal it better.
I have a hard time concealing sometimes. I need that 5 to 15-minute freak and maybe a few days to get out of my spin. Then, I am pretty much back to normal. And I am sure you feel like this too, that you probably hate that you are that person. I always tell people, “If I don’t freak out, then you should worry.” But I worry that if I express myself, I will always be that person, and if I keep it in…well…you know what happens. You start to feel like you can’t express yourself, hoping you won’t be that person anymore.
This post is raw for you and everyone else who feels like they are the problem. It's a way for me to share my experiences and let you know that I understand what it's like to be 'THAT person,' which honestly sucks!
I know you have a little demon trying to figure out why it's always something in your life—just like I do. “Why can't I have that ‘normal’ life? A life that isn't filled with family drama and always fighting to justify something at work. Or why can't I find that person to marry? Why am I that person people look at and wonder what my 5-year plan is, despite my successful career—which, to be fair, I am 100 percent not happy with.”
We share the same feeling.
As the same famous poet also sings (please tell me who sings this in the comments!):
"I should not be left to my own devices
They come with prices and vices
I end up in crisis (tale as old as time)."
I frequently find myself in one crisis after another. Rarely do I feel like I can stop falling through the hands as I tumble down into a dark cave. I hope you get that reference; if not, you must watch Labyrinth. Which brings me to another reference…
And indeed, life isn't fair…life is such a lonely place sometimes, even if you have a million friends, but you feel awful telling them yet another story of yours, not wanting that look or that tone you hear, knowing they are just done with your stories whether it's good or bad. And sometimes, you feel like you test the waters to tell your stories or create them because, in a way, you feel defiant, or, in a way, you seek their understanding because you think no one fully understands you.
The only time I feel like I am not falling through those hands and genuinely understand myself is when I travel alone. That's when I don't hear the tone or see those looks. Solo travel helps me transform the narrative of being THAT person into something positive. To my fellow solo travelers, you know what I'm talking about. Even after a challenging day of travel—getting lost, missing a tour, or dealing with four days of rain—you still experience the feeling of relaxation when your shoulders drop, and you can finally breathe.
You embrace being 'THAT person.'
I am proud to be 'THAT person.' That person who says yes at the last minute to go to a college hockey game and be the only American in a group of random strangers who became friends overnight. I am proud to be the person who has crazy stories from my travels. I am proud to be that person who has overcome and is still overcoming/processing shit.
Being THAT person has its blessings and curses, but if you weren't 'THAT person,' you wouldn't understand what it's like to see and help others who feel like a hot mess and appreciate how it is okay to be 'THAT person.' It is such a duality. One that makes me ponder if I will always be THAT person, or THAT person who chooses going solo over people.
What do you think? Do you embrace being THAT person? Do you open yourself up to others, or do you ponder being solo like I do?
